This is a follow-up to my last editorial, ‘A Quick Update.’
In my previous editorial post, I explained that I have pretty much lost all interest in blogging, and why. But I only addressed my emotional position. There are intellectual and financial reasons behind my current thinking, as well.
Intellectually, I am no longer sure that I am actually blogging to help people. I honestly wonder whether or not this is and has always been about stroking my own ego. If this is the case, then I not only want to stop blogging, I need to stop blogging — for my own good, as well as the good of others.
At the same time, I am aware that my current concern over why I blog could be a result of Spiritual growth. As I try to walk more and more on the path Scripture calls us to walk, I see more and more in me that I need to work on changing. The end result is, I have developed a strong sense of, “Who the heck and I to be telling anyone else what to do or how to think?”
Now, couple this with the fact that several readers have contacted me privately to scold me for what one reader called ‘navel gazing.’ I’m not complaining about being criticized or corrected. Trying to decide whether I am being self-centered or not is one of the biggest obstacles to my writing right now. So I not only welcome those who have scolded me, I need it. However, at the same time, those same people need to understand that — to me — questioning our motivation for doing anything that affects the lives of others is never a bad thing. As long as it is sincere, questioning ourselves is one of the best ways to grow ourselves. Still, those readers may not have intended it this way, but it is still correct to realize this whole thing can quickly become a downward spiral that locks us in place, and that is equally as bad as everything else I’ve been discussing.
Finally, there is the financial cost of my blogs. I collapsed them back to just this one because I could not justify the cost of running three. Now, I have pulled the higher level of platforming from TRTC for the same reason. This place only costs me about $500/year to run without adds and with full administrative control on my end, but — right now — that is $500 I might not should be spending. The industry in which I make my living is starting to really suffer from the insanity the NWO is forcing upon the world, and I need to start watching every penny I spend. So, you see, even the $500 that the RTCT costs me has entered into my calculus.
For a time, I toyed with the idea of starting a daily blog-cast, where I produced a video show for those who might be interested. That would have cost me a lot more than TRTC, so it got scrapped, as well.
I have toyed with the idea of asking for contributions, but I don’t always react well to others who do that, so I am hesitant to do it myself. I also thought about making TRTC a private blog where readers had to pay an annual ‘dues’ to gain access to my writing, but — again — why? You guys can get everything I share free from other sources, so why pay me? And, if I ask for help to pay TRTC’s bills, am I still helping people, or have I crossed the line to helping myself? This is not an idle question. Many of the people on the TV and radio these days have compromised themselves so they can keep the audiences they need to pay their bills. Heck, a great many churches have compromised the Scriptures for the same reasons. I’d rather fall off the face of the earth before I do either of those things.
Which brings us right back to my last editorial: I simply do not see where or how I have actually helped anyone. As it is, I do know that I have hurt several people, and each of them weighs heavily on my conscience. If someone can show me that I have done some good, then I might — might — be willing to reconsider my position. However, unless and until that happens (or YHWH makes it clear to me that I am not supposed to stop writing), I am going to just sit, watch and wait. I’ll be here, and I’ll keep the basic functions of my blogs going so you can still access the archives, but — for now — that is all I feel I can or should do. I only pray you will understand…