This is a follow-up to my last editorial, ‘A Quick Update.’
In my previous editorial post, I explained that I have pretty much lost all interest in blogging, and why. But I only addressed my emotional position. There are intellectual and financial reasons behind my current thinking, as well.
Intellectually, I am no longer sure that I am actually blogging to help people. I honestly wonder whether or not this is and has always been about stroking my own ego. If this is the case, then I not only want to stop blogging, I need to stop blogging — for my own good, as well as the good of others.
At the same time, I am aware that my current concern over why I blog could be a result of Spiritual growth. As I try to walk more and more on the path Scripture calls us to walk, I see more and more in me that I need to work on changing. The end result is, I have developed a strong sense of, “Who the heck and I to be telling anyone else what to do or how to think?”
Now, couple this with the fact that several readers have contacted me privately to scold me for what one reader called ‘navel gazing.’ I’m not complaining about being criticized or corrected. Trying to decide whether I am being self-centered or not is one of the biggest obstacles to my writing right now. So I not only welcome those who have scolded me, I need it. However, at the same time, those same people need to understand that — to me — questioning our motivation for doing anything that affects the lives of others is never a bad thing. As long as it is sincere, questioning ourselves is one of the best ways to grow ourselves. Still, those readers may not have intended it this way, but it is still correct to realize this whole thing can quickly become a downward spiral that locks us in place, and that is equally as bad as everything else I’ve been discussing.
Finally, there is the financial cost of my blogs. I collapsed them back to just this one because I could not justify the cost of running three. Now, I have pulled the higher level of platforming from TRTC for the same reason. This place only costs me about $500/year to run without adds and with full administrative control on my end, but — right now — that is $500 I might not should be spending. The industry in which I make my living is starting to really suffer from the insanity the NWO is forcing upon the world, and I need to start watching every penny I spend. So, you see, even the $500 that the RTCT costs me has entered into my calculus.
For a time, I toyed with the idea of starting a daily blog-cast, where I produced a video show for those who might be interested. That would have cost me a lot more than TRTC, so it got scrapped, as well.
I have toyed with the idea of asking for contributions, but I don’t always react well to others who do that, so I am hesitant to do it myself. I also thought about making TRTC a private blog where readers had to pay an annual ‘dues’ to gain access to my writing, but — again — why? You guys can get everything I share free from other sources, so why pay me? And, if I ask for help to pay TRTC’s bills, am I still helping people, or have I crossed the line to helping myself? This is not an idle question. Many of the people on the TV and radio these days have compromised themselves so they can keep the audiences they need to pay their bills. Heck, a great many churches have compromised the Scriptures for the same reasons. I’d rather fall off the face of the earth before I do either of those things.
Which brings us right back to my last editorial: I simply do not see where or how I have actually helped anyone. As it is, I do know that I have hurt several people, and each of them weighs heavily on my conscience. If someone can show me that I have done some good, then I might — might — be willing to reconsider my position. However, unless and until that happens (or YHWH makes it clear to me that I am not supposed to stop writing), I am going to just sit, watch and wait. I’ll be here, and I’ll keep the basic functions of my blogs going so you can still access the archives, but — for now — that is all I feel I can or should do. I only pray you will understand…
THE ROAD TO CONCORD 
It can be frustrating trying to move the unwashed masses. Maybe it would be more rewarding to re-frame who your intended audience is? I see you more as a teacher of teachers, less of a teacher of students.
Reminds me a bit of Jesus. I wonder how he felt, knowing he was a shepherd, leading his flock. Sheep. Sheeple. How hard must that have been, to be SOOO aware, yet lead the unaware? And yet of all the lives he touched, some of the most important were his DISCIPLES. Why? Because they were the leaders after he was gone, and wrote down the words that changed history. His greatest teachings were to his inner-circle of leaders.
Just saying. The more enlightened one becomes, the harder it is to relate to the ignorant or nescient masses. Maybe all that means is it’s time to refocus on a new audience, knowing that can have a deeper and broader impact.
I relate to the challenges you are facing here. Asking some excellent questions. The struggle is real. One question I would pose to you, is this. With all the knowledge you’ve accumulated, what makes you think you have a right to keep it to yourself? I don’t know for certain, but suspect knowledge comes with a duty to share.
Knowledge = Power. With great power, comes great responsibility. With great knowledge, comes great responsibility.
I hear you about questioning if sharing that knowledge causes more harm than good. I don’t know the answer. All I know is I’ve benefited greatly from your leadership, and would feel a profound loss to not have the words of another who has gone further down the path, offering guidance to those of us also on the path, but maybe not as far along. You either leave us to cut our own path through the thicket (slowly, and usually with lots of corrections), or you point out ‘hey, there’s a shortcut trail to the left, and here’s where it is going’. Knowing there’s a trail, and where it leads, is empowering. It gives us a choice, to take it if that’s where we want to go. It speeds up our journey.
Many of us are going through massive life changes right now, complete re-designs and overhauls. Just know I appreciate hearing your thoughts and perspectives, and am grateful for the times you feel called to write. I can relate.
You are not going to make this easy on me, are you? 🙂
There is a lot of wisdom in what you have said (thank you). While I chew on your words, let me offer a few thoughts in return.
First, I was already aware of what you say in the first part of your comment. However, had I written what you just said, I would have thought myself conceited and arrogant, so I would have just assumed others would have seen my words as even more so. That turns off audiences faster than switches, so I didn’t go there, though it is still true: I am finding it very difficult knowing how to relate to others, and for the very reasons you’ve mentioned.
As to the point of keeping knowledge to myself: I’m not sure I agree there. Knowledge has no owner. Everyone is free to seek it out where, how and when they wish. I see knowledge as a treasure waiting to be discovered, not possessed.
But that brings us to my last thought: you are correct in that I and others like me can offer short-cuts. But a short-cut only helps if it is taken. And, in cases such as this, they are only taken when people ‘believe in’ the one who offers the short-cut. Which brings us smack back to the middle of my dilemma: “Who am I to presume I have anything special to offer, and worse, who are you to think I am anything special to follow???” Do you see my point?
That said, my oft quiet but always brilliant when she speaks up wife offered this thought to comfort me this morning:
Those ‘like me’ have always struggled with the problem I am facing now. At least, the ones ‘like me’ who do not go crazy or become evil have always struggled with it.
I’ll leave others to read between and fill in the lines my wife spoke that I left out — for fear of sounding conceited and/or arrogant 😉 (everything about this general subject seems to keep going ’round in circles LOL).